Monday, June 5, 2017

Let Talk: Am I not pretty enough

As the years progress there is one question that keeps playing in my head why have I never had a boyfriend? Then the question turns to am I not pretty enough? Smart enough? What's wrong with me? and why only me.
Soo lets talk. What's wrong with me.

As I write this I can't help but think wow I wound like a boy crazed twelve years old. But the truth is I have been asking this question since twelve. The first answer was I wasn't ready for a relationship. Then it was I need to find myself. Now the answer is blank. But I have to admit I never really thought of boys when I was twelve. I mean I did but I didn't. I knew they were cute but I was going through far too much to really think about getting a boyfriend. But now I'm nearly twenty and I feel like I'm missing all the big marks in life. First kiss. Still waiting. First date. Nope. Prom date. Not even in my dreams. So I wonder what's wrong with me. And why only me. I look at other girls and I think if she has one why don't I? Don't get me wrong boys arnt the only things I think about I mean I have a life I have a future to plan for. And I do. I work hard every single day. I keep going and I keep bulding. And you would think that work ethic would attract guys but I think it does the opposite. It deters them. At times I feel like that why I don't have a boyfreind. Because it looks like I know where I'm going and I have drive. And at times that can intimidate guys. But that's not a part of me that I'm willing to give up. I also think it's because guys my age just want to have fun. And I'm not looking to be a side piece. But then again I see a lot of girls with good guys and I think I just want one. So why am I nearly twenty and why have I experienced anything. Maby I am boy crazed and that's what's not bring me any luck. I don't know.  I'd like to think I'm not ugly but honestly, I don't know anymore. Getting real I'm like a strong 6 on the reg. I was gonna say 4 but that's lowballing it too much. And I can be a 8 or 9 in a span of two hours. I got a pretty banged personality and shoot I got drive. So what's wrong with me. Is my drive that much of a put off? Or is it purely based on looks?

Whatever the case may be I am a true believer that God will give you what you need when you need it and not what you want when you want it. I know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I think God is just saying I got something better for you. But it has been nearly twenty years. I also think it's because I still need to figure some things out. But then again sometimes I just wish I had a shoulder to cry on, on my bad days. Sometimes I feel lonely. I don't know. Recently I have just been needing a holder to cry on. Someone to hold me up when I'm down cus I'm falling. Not in a dark place (Thank God) but I'm going into this double I never had. I'm secluding myself from life almost. I just wish  I had someone to be like I see that you are hurting and I'm here.

Im not the type of girl that will talk about how she wants a man on social media. There's nothing wrong with those girls. It's just not me. I would feel out of place if I ever did that. But it feels like it's those girls that the guys want. I'm not the type that will show off my body on social media, I don't think I have a bad body I just don't feel constable posting things like that. But it seems like that's what guys are attracted to. You won't see me at parties wearing close to nothing. That's just not me.

I'm the type of girl that just wants to hang. Whether it's to go to moon or chill at home and watch T.V. I'm the type of girl that watches the news for fun. The one that spends hours talking about politics because it's what I love. I'm the girl that stays in the library for hours Just doing work. I'm the type of girl that is cool with a party and all that but also I'm just fine with staying home on a Friday or Saturday night. I love just strolling through the city at night with friends. Going on late night food runs. And talking about the most pointless and most meaning full things in the car. I'm the girl that would drive to the mall just to park in the furthest parking spot and play music loud with the windows down as I dance outside (with my group of friends) like no one is watching. I'm everyone's shoulder to cry on. I'm everyone's ears to listen to.I'm the girl who calls her dog her daughter (Coco is my baby though). I'm the one that will make the weirdest jokes. I laugh at my own jokes. I'm the girl that can spend a full day doing nothing but reading. I love going to events. Whether it be a conference or walk your dog event. But I'm also that girl that cries a lot when no one is looking. I can fake a smile better than anyone. I have fears. I have challenges. I have dreams. I have aspirations. But I have that voice in the back of my brain that says I can't do it all. I have insecurity.

The thing is at times I don't want a hug from a friend. I want a huge from someone that really cares about me. That let me hold you hug because I know you're about to break. I want that lets facetime at 10 pm till we fall asleep kind of conversations. I'm a hopeless romantic. Sue me I can't help it. I blame late 90's and 00's songs. I'm not asking for a guy that's a millionaire. He doesn't have to run a Tesla. All I want is someone that cares. Someone that can make me laugh. Someone I can trust. Sometimes it feels like I'm asking for too much. Sometimes I think I'm going to be alone forever. And to be completely honest that such a depressing thought. But it seems like that's where my future is going. I think I need this change in scenery. But I don't want to change my whole life because I feel lonely. I don't want to move areas because of this feeling. I don't want to do it and I won't do it. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maby you have an idea. If so let me know.

So many I am pretty. Maby I'm just not ready? I don't know. At this point I'm just trying my hardest to not dwell on it. But it can be hard at times.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Lets Talk Time Flys

Lets Talk

Time flys by and before you know it i find myself not posting on here in over two years. Now is it because I don't like this platform? Although I admit my writing skills arnt the best and I  can definitely use some work I actually think that this platform is beneficial for people. Is it cus I have become tired of the 'Lets Talk' segment. No that's not the case, I surprisingly enough love it. The simple fact is time flys and when your growing up it becomes hard to want to pick up a laptop and write for personal reason when you have been writing non stop about a book you never read, a guy that died a long long time ago or a topic that I can guarantee I wont use in the future. But I'm back and that's all that matters. Right?...ya no I get it y'all don't care and i wouldn't ether. But hey your reading this so...

Lets Talk Time Flys

Some say Time flys when your having fun.

But if you have been wondering what in the world i have been doing in the past two years, Ill tell you now that I have been growing up. So basically from my first post to now, I lost friends, made friends,  went to prom, graduated, started college and a bunch of other things that have to do with growing up. So now your probably wondering why now? why come back? To be completely honest I just happen to be extremely board and wanted to do something on a Thursday night so here I am. But if I am being honest here I never relay left, let me explain, I have written countless amount of blogs but never uploaded them. I have articles that I must admit are halph assed about education, voting, finals and so on. Although I may not have uploaded them I constantly find myself coming to this platform to talk about more serious topic. I don't go on instagram and post something about racism in the us nor do I go on SnapChat and snap something about the failing education system. I, shockingly enough, find myself coming here to talk about issues that mutterer to me.

Now I know I told you about what has happened to me in the last two years but let me tell you what has happened in my world in the last two years. Police brutality has been more prevalent and becomes more of an issue as the days pass, the killings of police has increased, two people not fit to run this country have ran for presidency and will more likely then not become president, iss has killed thousands, some people have now started to back the second amendment wile forgetting about the first, being a Muslim has now become something to be ashamed about, having to much melanin in your body has now become a crime, civil wars are happening, mass shootings have become the new norm, war on war is happening, people are killing there own and in all honesty this list can go on and on and on but this list is just a snip bit of what my world has come to. Tragedy upon tragedy so much so that it can be hard to keep track and at times it can feel like I cant focus on one tragedy before another happens.

So ya time flys but its not all fun sometimes it flys cus your to numb to realize how fast its going

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Lets talk Racism in the USA.

Lets Talk

Now lets talk about a more seriouse topic. Lets talk about racism.A vary touchy topic? Yes. But its a topic that needs to be talked about.But before we get into it let me share a little about myself that I think has shape the way I see racism.I am a african american female that lives in the USA.And I think the one question that need to be answered is that here in the USA where we have abolished racism where we have our first african american precedent where we pride our selfs in rights for everyone no mater gender, hight, weight, or race is their still racism?

Lets Talk Racism in the USA.

Being compleetly honest growing up I never realy thought that racism existed but as I got a little older I started to notice little things. Like when people would look at me and my brother when we were shopping together, when I noticed that workers would pay more attention to me and my group of friends (wich consists of mostly african americans) when we went shopping. Honestly I think the real reason why I don't see racism a lot is because of where I live. There isn't a lot of segregation where I live but I must admit just a couple of miles away segregation is all you see but then again its not ' noticeable segregation' its just little things like which youth buildings get more money or what schools are getting shut down, things like that its never person to person and its never an everyday struggle maybe a monthly struggle and at the most a weekly struggle but I have to say I do here about schools in the USA specifically in the south that are segregated by races meaning one school that is in a area that isn't probably the safest place and gets little to no money to educate the student consist of mostly if not all african american student compared to a school that is located in an area that has virtually no crime rate and has an abundance of money to educate their students consist mostly if not all caucasian but education is another 'Lets Talk ' subject. But their is one clear example of racism that if you live in the states you probably herd of. The caucasian shootings of innocent african american boys , this shootings is another 'Lets Talk' topic but they are a clear examples of racism.

But let me just say that racism is not only for african americans it also effect other races like asians mexicans and many other races but lets be honest racism is alive and living maybe its not in certain areas but it is in all the states. Everyone thought since we got an african american president Martian luther kings dream of equality has come true although I grant that his dream is somewhat a reality his dream is still vary much a dream and what scares me the most is that, that dream of his won't ever come true.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Lets Talk Rihanna at CFDA 2014

Lets Talk....


Lets talk about the amazing dress that were warn at the 2014 CFDA. Many stars like Solange, Blake Lively, Chrissy Teigen and countless others were stunning on the red carpet but one look that took others by surprise was the little number that Rihanna came out in. Sooo....

Lets Talk Rihanna at CFDA 2014

She got a lot of heat about the dress she were on the red carpet. Wile some called it tacky, trashy, and even sluty some called it stunning, breathtaking and amazing. Where do I stand in this? In the middle.

Let me explain. First we have to remember who wore this dress. Rihanna. Wile she is known for warring some of the most stunning dress and known as a fashion icon she is also known for pushing the envelop and it is exactly what she did here. Wile I agree that this was not what I was expecting her to ware on the red carpet especially because she was getting an honored for being a fashion icon but I get it. I looked at what she looked like overall and it makes sense. Wile yes it might have been a bit to sheer, it was kind of a throw back dress to the 00 meaning like 2000 to maybe around 2005 it might have tested the boundaries of fashionbut thats what makes her a fashion icon and the make up and the head peace with the dress makes sense and i see what she was trying to do but i don't think she hit the mark just yet.